Am I maybe the unhappiest man I know? Do I maybe have it good? Is my life better than most? Is the ultimate plan going to fall back into line and go back into schedule? Will the depression ever come back? Or will Sadness just become another coping mechanism? What actually helps? What actually works? Who understands? Do I deserve happiness even? Have I paid enough of the price to be happy? Do I need to do more? Do I learn how to take the most extreme radical decisions now? What does love mean for me? How am I supposed to be loved? How do I love? How do I show love? How do I accept being loved? What should I be doing for those I love? What am i not doing? Do I even deserve love, to be loved? Have I achieved what I should at the stage where I am? Questions that never seem to end, more and more and more questions that seem to scream until you really can't hear anything else, and the cans are open but have no effect, the papers are lit but the feeling doesn't last neither does the blood shot eyes. I am not taking it well. Zulem will you ever stop speaking in parables?, well, maybe someday when i start understanding the thoughts as they play out in my head. Indeed there is no sleep for the wicked, I just can't seem to trace the root of my wickedness.
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